I’m not some weak person, I won’t let other ppl define how I feel. I’m sick of being some victim; I’m not a victim I’m a fucking warrior. I’ve been through more shit than a lot of people and I got through it. I may love him but he doesn’t control me and people who I thought as friends before don’t control me either. I will hold my head high and keep moving forward. I may have my weak moments every now and then but in the end I’m a strong person and no one can define me or bring me down unless I give them the power to and I won’t anymore.

I need my meds to kick in again, thanks to withdraw I have to readjust to them; which is a bitch. The meds keep me from thinking about bad things, but now all I can do is think of situations and how bad they can be and drive myself insane. I feel numb and I had gotten past that and now I’m here again. I wanna move away; away from all these people I thought I loved and trusted and I wanna go somewhere where no one knows me. Everyone wishes that I suppose. I’m not running from my past or the things I went through, I’m trying to take my life into my hands and make the best of it and I can’t be happy here. I just think of Dustin and all the things we did when we were friends and I pass all the places we went and it’s hard. I think of Steven and the things we went through and I wonder when it’s gonna happen all over again. I think of all the people who hurt me and betrayed me and I sit and wonder when it’s gonna happen again. I wonder if life would be easier without friends; it would be lonely but I feel that way now anyways. Maybe this depression shit is making me think this way. I miss my dad even more than before. I miss him with everything in me. I know the emptiness I feel has to do with him being gone. I know I can be happy, I know I can move on to someone better but I’m stuck in the past and I let it run my life. I thought I was over everything but obviously it’s the meds and not me being as strong as everyone says I am.